


My Grandpa's Big Fat Mediterranean Wedding

by firsttraintovictoriaville



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Background Relationships, Multi, Polyamory, Weddings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-27
Updated: 2017-12-27
Packaged: 2018-11-19 19:53:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11320512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/firsttraintovictoriaville/pseuds/firsttraintovictoriaville
Summary: Lovino had planned to spend his summer at his internship trying to get his fellow intern to notice him in the romantic sense. Which means he has zero time to handle his Grandpa's polyamourous wedding,  deal with being forced to bond with his new uncles, or even try to think about the fact that his brother is getting closer to actually being in a relationship with literally the worst guy on the planet. This was not how summer was supposed to go.





	1. Dinner Meeting

It was one thing to have your grandfather get remarried (actually Lovino couldn’t think of a time when his grandfather was married, point period) but to have him get remarried to two women? Who were also in love with each other? Lovino had no problem with the idea of closed or open polyamory but to see it happen right in front of him? And with his grandfather? That was things got a bit icky. 

But here Lovino was with his younger brother, Feliciano, next to him at a catch-all Mediterranean restaurant with his grandfather across from him, flanked on either side by his two would be brides. Lovino had nothing against them, after all he didn’t know much about them other than they were fellow curators at the fine arts museum his grandfather worked at and that they had kids but no grandchildren. 

Lovino bit his lip to avoid kicking poor Memphis. Memphis was the cat belonging to Sobekneferu, one of his grandfather’s two brides. Sobekneferu refused to call Memphis a pet, he was her companion, an equal to her or above her and she treated him with more love and respect than Lovino had seen most people treat their families. Grandpa had also told Lovino and Feliciano that the Memphis, Memphis was named after was in Egypt not Tennessee. Although he did also mention that she completed her master’s degree at the Memphis College of Art but that of course was not meant to be mentioned to her as a name possibility. 

Lovino glanced beneath the table to see Memphis grinning at him before he scurried up to Sobekneferu lap. 

“Grandma Sobekneferu is there any nickname you want us to call you?” Feliciano asked. Feliciano had been worried sick about pronouncing her name wrong and Lovino had to be subject to hearing him practice her name over and over again through the thin wall between their bedrooms. In true Feliciano fashion he had already taken to calling Sobekneferu and Penelope ‘grandma’. Lovino prefers to address them by names and will always prefer to address them by their name. 

“Just Sobekneferu is fine for me!” Sobekneferu said with a gentle smile. Lovino and Feliciano had been caught off guard by her smile. She didn’t look like the type of person that would have such a gentle smile and a soft voice. 

“Likewise, I would much rather be called by Penelope,” Penelope’s voice was sultrier and Lovino wouldn’t deny it, there was something sexy about her voice even if she was apparently old enough to be his grandmother. Or maybe she wasn’t. Grandpa had become a grandfather at a young age or maybe Sobekneferu and Penelope had become mothers at a late age. If they did it had to be by choice. They were both very attractive women. Lovino knew what he was doing was icky but he had always been a fan of beautiful women. 

“I’ll make sure to remember that!” Feliciano said nodding happily. There was nothing that could get him down. Lovino hated even thinking about the fall semester but it did mean that he and Feliciano would be separated and he would be able to brood in his dorm room in peace. 

A tanned, heavy-lidded man with wavy brown hair approached the table. Penelope stood up and kissed his cheeks before introducing him. “This is my son Herakles,” everyone said their hellos. “Herakles, why don’t you take the empty seat on the right?” 

Lovino was aware for the first time of the empty chairs next to him and Feliciano. Herakles took the seat next to Feliciano who was giddy with joy at meeting his uncle. Herakles didn’t seem to share the same enthusiasm, Lovino couldn’t tell if he was stoned or tired. 

“How old are you? Where do you go to school? Where do you work? What town do you live in?” Feliciano fied the questions off. 

“I’m 27. I don’t go to school. Or work. I live with my mom.” Herakles spoke in a slow pace. Each word left his lips heavy and weighed down by its existence. He also spoke as if it was normal to just be living at home nearing thirty and not going to school or work. The way he said it made it clear that he wasn’t staying at home because he couldn’t find a job or got rejected from grad school. He was staying home doing nothing because he wanted to. 

“When is your son arriving?” Romulus, Lovino and Feliciano’s grandfather, asked Sobekneferu. 

She adjusted the gold headband that Lovino had never seen her without before speaking. “He should be coming soon. He said he had some errands to run but that he would be coming soon.” 

This pleased Romulus enough for him to kiss her on the cheek before turning his head and doing the same to Penelope. Lovino felt vomit rise up in his throat. Feliciano, of course, was cooing over this like no one had ever kissed someone else’s cheek in the history of mankind. Herakles didn’t even seem to register what was going on and was looking over the appetizer list. Was Lovino really the only one that wasn’t in the mood to watch elderly porn play out in front of him? 

Romulus ordered wine for everyone and the waiter brought out bread and olive oil and stuffed grape leaves for everyone. Sobekneferu son arrived just as everyone was going to toast. “Sorry I’m late,” he said before taking the seat next to Lovino. He seemed a lot more alert than Herakles that was certain. He was dressed sharper too, like he didn’t roll out of bed and there were no creases on his clothes. He grabbed his wine glass and didn’t bother to elaborate on anything else, not even his name. 

“This is Muhammad.” Sobekneferu said. “He’s the same age as Herakles.” 

“Do you also live at home?” Feliciano asked. 

“I do. I’m not home most of the time however, I work the morning shift at Le Creuset.” Muhammad said. At least this “uncle” had a job. Lovino couldn’t ever imagine working at a kitchen supply store but Muhammad didn’t seem like he hated his job or was ashamed of it in anyway so Lovino figured it couldn’t be as bad as he was imagining it. 

Romulus lifted up his wine glass. “A toast! To family!” 

As everyone stood up to toast Lovino got a peek of something hanging off of Sobekneferu belt buckle. It was a whip. 

This marriage was going to be the death of him and it wasn’t even his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sobekneferu-Ancient Egypt and also the name of the first female pharaoh.  
> Penelope-Ancient Greece and the wife of Odysseus in the Odyssey.  
> Romulus-Grandpa Rome and the name of the founder of Rome
> 
> Hit me up on [tumblr](http://firsttraintovictoriaville.tumblr.com/) if you wanna talk some more about the realest ancient OT3 or any other thing.


	2. Tomato Corporations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Despite the chapter being called Tomato Corporations, I don't think I'm going with Tomato as the company's final name. Thank you for all the comments and kudos on the previous chapter! 
> 
> Carlos-Cuba  
> Govert-Netherlands  
> Laura-Belgium 
> 
> This chapter also briefly features a minor couple

Lovino was at his favourite bakery picking up a box of cannoli (classic ricotta-the only flavour of cannoli that should exist in his opinion) when he noticed Muhammad coming up to the cashier next to his. Lovino paid for his cannoli and was moving to the side to wait when Muhammad and him made eye contact. Muhammad gave a nod of acknowledgement and Lovino gave one back. 

“Hello,” Muhammad said as he stood next to Lovino to wait for his order. 

Lovino put his phone away. “Hey, how are you?” He didn’t know what to say. They had only met yesterday and now they were going to be uncle and nephew. Lovino had a rule about not talking to strangers unless they were pretty but he couldn’t ignore his family member. 

“Good, I finished work and was picking up a drink. How was your Monday?” Muhammad responded. Lovino suddenly remembered that there was a Le Creuset two streets away from the bakery. 

“It was good, I’m an intern at an office park twenty minutes away. I drive through here to get to home so when I want cannoli it’s convenient.” Lovino wanted to fork his own eyes and maybe Muhammad’s over how awkward everything was. Feliciano would have known what to do. Feliciano would have already claimed one of the few tables inside the bakery and demand Muhammad sit down so they could exchange life stories. 

“They do make good cannolis.” Muhammed said before he moved to the counter to pick up a raspberry Italian soda. 

“Cannoli not cannolis. Cannoli is already plural in Italian.” Lovino had spent his entire life correcting people for saying cannolis instead of cannoli and he knew until he moved to Italy that he would have to continue correcting them. 

Muhammad nodded at this. “Thank you for correcting me. I’ll make sure to remember it next time.” He said it truthfully, there wasn’t any sarcasm at all in his words. 

Lovino’s box was ready as Muhammad was walking out the door and he walked after him. Grandpa Rome and Feliciano would be proud of him for doing this. If he did just this one thing without anyone asking him to do, they wouldn’t ask him for any other stupid family bonding activity. Well they would but when Lovino told them to fuck off he could use this to his advantage. “Muhammad do you need a ride home? You said you live with your mom right, just like Herakles?”

Muhammad nodded slowly. 

“We live near each other. I can take you home if you need it, you wouldn’t be troubling me or anything.” 

“...I’d like that.” 

*******

Lovino walked into work the next day feeling like he could conquer the goddamn world. He and Muhammad didn’t engage in any bullshit chit-chat on the way home, Sobekneferu looked pleased as punch that Lovino and Muhammed were bonding, and Grandpa promised that when Lovino got home from work today that a giant plate of orecchiette alla cime di rapa would be waiting for him.  
“Good morning Lovino,” Carlos, the secretary said looking up from his computer. Carlos might not have looked like the typical image of a secretary but he was one of the best. He handled multiple calls with efficiency and made sure all of the boss’s shit was in order. He even kept a small bottle of cologne on his desk to cover up the cigar smell when he came back from his smoke breaks. Sure sometimes he yelled across the office if there was someone waiting on hold for an employee instead of using Gchat (Google Hangout chat, Lovino was so over it) like everyone else, but you got used to it. 

“Morning, is there anything that needs to be done right away?”

“Not that I know of. Antonio is in his office but he hasn’t asked for anything and Laura is taking care of the cold calls today. You are on lunch duty but other than that all you have to do is file around some papers.” Carlos smiled. 

Lovino gave a nod before making his way to his cubicle. It wasn’t that bad, more of a desk than anything else because he shared it with Laura. Ah Laura, she had been the object of Lovino’s affection since they both started the internship back in May. He would have totally made a move by now if she understood the finer nuances of Italian flirting and if her older brother wasn’t in the cubicle directly in front of them. 

Lovino set his things down and sighed when he saw that Laura’s seat was empty. She had left a cardigan behind her chair and her water bottle was there so she was somewhere in the office park. Lovino had often dreamed about getting to the office earlier and surprising her with a coffee but he could never and would never wake up early enough for that to happen. 

Lovino started up his laptop and was signing in when he was forcefully hugged. “Ow, what the fuck you crazy bastard?” 

His undear, unloved, boss was hugging him. “Good morning Lovino~you arrived early today! It’s only ten-thirty!” 

“Mr. Férnandez-Carriedo Edelstein, please let go of me. I don’t want to be hugged and stink because of your sweat.” Lovino had become one of the many objects of affection for his boss, much to his and the husband of his boss’s chagrin. Antonio Férnandez-Carriedo Edelstein was a five and a half in looks and a negative ten in personality. When Lovino first started interning he would admit he had been attracted but then Antonio opened his mouth and Lovino saw the gold band on his finger. If you had to be a homewrecker, be a homewrecker to someone that wasn’t an annoying bastard. 

“But sweating is normal! Everyone sweats! And I’m sweating because I take care of my health!” 

“Does your husband know you’re sweating to take care of your health so you can fuck your employees?” Govert, Laura's big brother said. Lovino swiveled around in his chair with Antonio still hanging onto him and saw Govert eating a piece of toast with chocolate sprinkles on it with his earbuds wrapped around his neck. 

Antonio removed himself from Lovino and cleared his throat. “Roderich understands me. He knows I would never cheat on him.” 

“Really because last time you did something like this when he decided to drop in, me along with the rest of the office heard it pretty loud and clear that he refused to accept bigamy and made a big show about the wedding ring. Married for five years and you can’t even do the basics.” 

Govert had known for Antonio for a very long time which Lovino never understood because the only person in the office that couldn't stand Antonio more than Lovino could was Govert. It was Govert’s love of money that kept him in the job and his hatred for Antonio that made him ask for the second worst cubicle in the entire office. The first of course being the intern cubicle. 

“Roderich won’t have to know about this and in any case I’ve already wrote it down and told Carlos to remind me to pick up the dry cleaning on the way home after work.” And with that Antonio left to go back to his office. 

“Fucking asshole has to be so touchy-feely and wanting to hug everyone.” Lovino said. If anyone should have been in a polyamorous relationship it should have been Antonio. Assuming he could find more than one person that could deal with him. 

“I would kill for a chance to see what kind of prenup agreement he and Roderich had.” Govert said finishing the last bite of his bread. 

“Wouldn’t we all,” Lovino said before going back to his computer and logging in. He checked his work e-mail and deleted the ones already taken care of and forwarded a few to the correct people. 

He was going through his Netflix queue when he heard Laura arrive. He swiveled around and saw her getting adjusted in her seat and setting down an iced coffee from the cafeteria. “Hey.” 

She swiveled around as well. “Hey! When I was getting my coffee, Uncle Francis was working so I decided to chat but then Antonio showed up and wanted to talk to me. Finally Gilbert appeared and I had to return him a DVD I borrowed.” That was something about Laura, Lovino admired. She was nice to everyone but not in the annoying way that Antonio was or overbearing like Feliciano. She wasn’t afraid to be something other than nice. Lovino developed his crush on her when she made fun of him for always having his shoelaces untied the first two weeks of the internship. 

“Stop calling Francis uncle!” Govert said through the walls.

“I’m not saying you have to call him uncle but I will! He’s an uncle!” Laura fired back. 

“He’s barely an uncle!”

“I’m not having this fight with you here Govert!” 

And with that Laura went back to her computer. Laura and Govert would occasionally get into these little quips, sometimes in English and other times in Dutch. Lovino couldn’t remember any time when he and Feliciano were able to argue and Feliciano didn’t become a dramatic sobbing mess. He loved his brother but sometimes it got to be too much. 

Lovino refreshed his e-mail page roughly two thousand times until lunch, disgusted with himself every time an e-mail that he had to take care of appeared so he would have something to do. He hadn’t even been able to talk to Laura outside of giving her a phone number or a name she needed for a call. There were worse summer jobs than being a paid intern in an air conditioned office but at least they had to be more exciting. 12:30 couldn’t come fast enough. 

He ran out of the office and into the elevator and pressed the button to the first floor. The office park had three cafeterias but Antonio liked the one on the first floor the most. It wasn’t a problem since they were on the second floor. Lovino still hadn’t forgiven or forgotten that time Antonio decided he wanted a sandwich from the fourth floor cafeteria on the day the elevator was being repaired. Lovino quickly went in avoiding making eye contact with Francis, who outside of being Laura’s “uncle” was one of Antonio’s best friends that was equally as annoying and touchy-feely and worked as the head chef for the office park’s dining and grabbed the ham sandwich and made his way back up and dropped it on Antonio’s desk before Antonio could even think about saying hi. It was his special talent, being in and out before Antonio could talk to him. Carlos had already said how much he was going to miss Lovino because of that when the summer was over. 

“Lovino, do you want to come with me to the cafeteria?” Laura asked as Lovino returned from dropping off Antonio’s lunch. 

Lovino was going to play it cool and not show how excited he was. Laura was older, she wasn’t going to like it if some boy was tripping over himself because a girl had asked him to get lunch with her. She was used to manly men that grabbed life by the balls and looked ghosts in the eyes. Lovino just hoped there wouldn’t be ghosts, he doesn’t fuck with ghosts, the afterlife should not be messed with. 

“Sure, the food looked decent today.” Lovino said with a shrug as he got his wallet. He and Laura made chit-chat on the way down. Apparently she had found out already that she was going to be an RA in the fall, which left Govert over the moon. Lovino nodded along, happy for her, even if he was still upset that she went to college in California. Apparently the California university she went to gave her a full (tuition) ride. Govert would have disowned her if she was going to let distance get in the way of her (low cost) education. 

“Yeah, I already know who my roommate is going to be. He’s a guy I met in my Psychology 101 lecture, we got along and he isn’t too annoying. He actually works at the aquarium.” Lovino said, letting Laura leave the elevator before him. 

“I’m glad you were able to find such a good roommate! The aquarium must be a cool place to work! And thank you for being such a gentleman.” 

“Well, you know how we Italians are when it comes to treating women.” Lovino said with a smirk and shrug. 

Laura giggled and Lovino fell deeper into his feelings. “You are very charming. And also Lovino?” 

God, was this it? “Sì ?” 

“Your shoelaces came untied.”


	3. Home Cooked Meal

“Ludwig, do you think Grandma Penelope or Grandma Sobekneferu would let me be their flower boy?” Feliciano asked as he began to slice up the polenta. He and Ludwig were in the Vargas family kitchen alone and Feliciano was making them lunch. Ludwig had brought along one of his cousin’s famous cakes as dessert. 

“Aren’t those usually girls? Like six year old girls?” Ludwig had this horrible habit where he could never be as blunt with Feliciano as he could be with everyone else. Which didn’t even make sense because everyone else was capable of doing the tasks that Feliciano couldn’t. It was only after the 148th time that Ludwig had turned Feliciano’s laptop on and off that Feliciano A) realized that turning it on and off is a great starting point for any computer problems and B)that Ludwig wasn’t a super genius computer science whiz. Ludwig wasn’t even a computer science major, period. 

“Ve~, you’re right! But Grandma Sobekneferu and Grandma Penelope don’t have any daughters or granddaughters. If they don’t have any nieces or anything do you think that they’ll let me? Should I ask them?” 

“It’s worth a shot.” Ludwig would admit, it was nice to see Feliciano actively go after something that wasn’t food or a pretty person. The wedding had put him in a mood to do work. 

Feliciano handed Ludwig his plate. “I’ll ask them next time I see them!” 

Ludwig smiled at Feliciano before eating. Feliciano’s cooking was one of the best he ever had and the grilled polenta with mushrooms was Ludwig’s favourite dish. He had once asked Feliciano what he put in it but Feliciano said the secret ingredient was Italian love. Ludwig had stopped asking for recipes after that. 

“How did your grandfather even end up getting engaged to two women at the same time?” 

“Ve~Grandpa always said there’s a fine line between being on napkin duty for the 2014 museum Christmas party and having a threesome on the floor of the front desk with a pack of condoms you found in the lost and found box.” 

“I don’t think that line is as fine as your grandfather says it is.” 

“I think it’s romantic how passion can overtake you and make you want to be with someone or someones at once. You don’t even care about anything else, you just want to be with them.” Feliciano propped up on his elbows and sighed. 

Ludwig felt his face go red for some reason. “Yes...I can see why that is appealing.” 

Feliciano leaned closer to Ludwig’s face. “Would you ever do something like that? I can’t imagine you getting loose ve~” 

“I-I-” and before Ludwig could finish his sentence, Marimba began to play. 

“That must be Kiku! I asked him to call me at this time so it’d be like all three of us eating together just like we do in school!” Feliciano grinned and got his phone. 

Ludwig had nothing against Kiku, Kiku was one of his best friends, but did he have to call now? Ludwig was so close...he didn’t know what he was so close to but he was close to something. 

Feliciano was jabbering a mile a minute and gesticulating wildly as he asked Kiku how Japan was and if he was having fun and how as the food. There was something beautiful about how Feliciano would stop when Kiku gave an answer and smile. He loved everyone. Ludwig wondered what it would be like to go about life believing that only good things happen. 

Ludwig finished his polenta as Feliciano talked on the phone and told him to tell Kiku that he said hi. Apparently everything was going well for Kiku and that it was nice to be back in his home country. 

“I don’t know how Kiku does it! I don’t think I could ever be on such a long flight by myself!” Feliciano said after he had hung up. 

Ludwig had finished his polenta and was slicing the cake he brought. “It isn’t too bad. I did that during Christmas when I went to Berlin. It’s a much shorter journey than Tokyo but once you concentrate on the journey and put on your headphones you don’t mind it.” 

“I could never do that. I always like to talk to people to calm down my nerves!” 

Ludwig envisioned what it would be like to spend a long international flight with a stranger like Feliciano next to you. Ludwig could only see it ending badly. Maybe travelling with others was the best option for some people. 

Feliciano brought his face back closer to Ludwig’s. “Now what were we talking about before Kiku called?”

Spontaneous sex!! Ludwig’s brain kept screaming. The type of sex that was the subject of every porno Ludwig had ever watched even if he would rather eat vomit than admit it to everyone. Hot spontaneous, passionate, kinky sex! “I can’t recall.” Ludwig said after clearing his throat. 

Feliciano went back to having his face and Ludwig’s face be way too close to each other for Ludwig’s comfort. “Oh, I remember now! We were talk-” 

“What the fuck is that bastard doing here!” Lovino said as he opened the door with such a force it immediately swung shut.   
“It’s Ludwig! He came over for a meal!” Feliciano smiled as if there was nothing wrong. 

“I can go, it isn’t a problem.” Ludwig said. He knew that if Lovino ever tried to get in a physical fight with him that Lovino would lose. Ludwig was simply taller and more muscular. But Lovino was determined and scrappy that he might actually win a fight with someone twice his size on sheer determination alone. 

“Get him out of the house!” Lovino walked over to Ludwig and began to pull his arm to try and get him to move. What the fuck did this bastard eat anyway to get so muscular or tall? “I don’t want to see you here!” 

Feliciano began to pout and look down on the floor. He didn’t know why Lovino hated Ludwig so much! Sure, Ludwig wasn’t the easiest person to become friends with but the same applied to Lovino! Feliciano always thought they were sort of similar even though he knew if he ever told Lovino that he wouldn’t like it. 

Ludwig went to grab the cake he had brought figuring that Lovino wouldn’t want anything about him still left in the house before it was snatched out of his hands. 

Lovino succeeded in getting Ludwig out the door and with one hand holding onto the cake said, “I don’t ever want to see you here again.” and slammed the door on him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again thank you for all the kudos and for reading and hope you enjoy! I feel like this chapter is a bit short but maybe that's just me? Let me know what you think!


	4. Kicking It Old School

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHH! I know this is super overdue and I had it like 99% done but then I ended up having to host guests and life got really busy for a second but we will be back to our regular programmed schedule!
> 
> Gernot-Germania  
> Rajesh-India  
> Helene-Pontus

“I’m sure all of you have been dying to find out which one of you have been chosen as my best man.” Romulus stood in front of his group of friends, looking eerily like Natasha Stefanenko. If he took an envelope and asked them to stand in a straight line horizontally, no one would be surprised. 

“Please, just tell us, the suspense is killing me.” Gernot said with a roll of his eyes. Gernot never figured out why he was friends with Romulus. You ask a guy one question at the airport thirty something years ago and he thinks you’re best friends for life. 

“You know what Gernot, I could have not had you here since you didn’t even hint at making me your best man back in the day but-” Romulus punched Gernot in the arm with what was clearly supposed to be a light punch but with Romulus just seemed like a regular punch. “Since you’re still my best friend, I’ll forgive you. In fact, you’re my best man.” 

Sobekneferu began clapping demurely which set everyone else off. Gernot wondered if it was possible for him to board his flight back to Chicago earlier. 

“I must be the luckiest man in the world.” Gernot said. 

“Oh cheer up Gernot, I know for a fact that even you can be happy at weddings.” Rajesh said slapping Gernot on the shoulder. Gernot did not know what was the issue with his friends hitting him. It was these moments that made him regret ever leaving Europe. 

“You know it for a fact because you decided to marry his eldest grandson.” Yao said, finishing off the last of his drink and leaning back on Romulus’s sofa. Romulus’s living room as Yao liked to point out was all sofas and chairs. If it hadn’t been for the plants that by the grace of Feliciano manage to survive then the Vargas living room would have looked like a very sad Italian IKEA showroom. 

“I know. Trust me, I can’t escape that fact every day of my life. For the past three years of my life, every day when I wake up, I think about that fact.” Gernot said. 

“The first thing you think about when you wake up is Rajesh? You never had one dream about me that left you when you woke up wanting more?” Romulus said. Gernot didn’t know why he was surprised that Romulus was getting actually upset at this. Gernot should have known better after all these years, he should have known better from the start and found someone else to ask where the bathroom was at the airport. 

“Romulus please, both me and Sobekneferu wake up with thoughts of you. Isn’t that enough?” Penelope asked. She knew that if she didn’t do something then Gernot’s fuse would explode and both he and Romulus were getting too old for fighting. Also she didn’t want to mess up her freshly done nails because she had to break up a pointless fight. 

Romulus smiled, satisfied by the answer. “Yeah, I only need you two girls. No one else. Not even Helene can compare to you two.” He wrapped his arms around Sobekneferu and Penelope and pulled them into a hug.

“Helene as in of Troy or Helene as in my younger sister?” Penelope asked. 

“Your younger sister of course!” Romulus said cheerfully. All of the guests left as soon as they saw Penelope’s eye twitch. 

******

“What I said wasn’t that bad right?” Romulus asked Sobekneferu as they were in bed while Penelope was still in the bathroom. They had the house to themselves tonight. Both Feliciano and Lovino had managed to score at the club, that fact always filled Romulus with grandfatherly pride. 

Sobekneferu pumped more of her goat milk lotion and massaged it into her right arm. “No. You know how Penelope is when it comes to her sister. All siblings have rivalries.” 

“She seemed pretty angry…” Romulus sighed. “I just love all women, women are so beautiful and Helene is a beautiful woman but her beauty can’t compared to that of her sister or yours.” 

Sobekneferu finished applying her lotion and cuddled up next to Romulus in bed. Romulus wrapped his left arm around her and kissed her forehead. Sobekneferu sighed. “You’re so flattering Romulus. A part of me wonders if you’re the most dangerous man in the world.” 

“I’m only dangerous if you want me to be.” Romulus said winking. 

Sobekneferu didn’t san anything in response and relaxed more into Romulus’s arms. 

Penelope left the bathroom, got in bed, curled up in Romulus’s right arm. “What were you two talking about?” 

“Just how much we loved you.” Sobekneferu said. 

Penelope smiled at this and leaned across Romulus’s chest to kiss her. As they pulled away, Memphis jumped on the bed wanting some attention and care. He laid right on top of Romulus’s stomach. 

“You know, does this mean-” Romulus began. 

Penelope cut him off. “Romulus, I swear don’t even think about it.” 

“I guess this means I’m covered in pussy.” Romulus said with a bright smile. 

Penelope groaned while Sobekneferu giggled before all three, four including Memphis, fell asleep warm and wrapped up in each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to make Pontus Mama Greece's sister because Pontus was colonized by the Greeks and Pontus is a Greek designation. 
> 
> Natasha Stefanenko is the host of Italia's Next Top Model.
> 
> Once again I'm sorry for the delay! And for the shortish chapter! But still, let me know what you think!


	5. Cat Food Haul

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for how long it has been between chapters! I literally had this chapter all typed out just needed to run it through spell check! I was super busy and I am sorry for that. I hope you all like it and leave any thoughts you have!

Feliciano didn’t know why but the last place he pictured seeing Herakles at was a Trader Joe’s. There was no reason for Herakles not to be there. After all, everyone needed food and the Trader Joe’s they were in was located in the suburb where Herakles and his mom lived. But still, there was something about seeing Herakles comparing different types of frozen waffles that just felt off. 

“Hello Herakles!” Feliciano greeted. Sure the whole thing might had felt a little off but Herakles was still going to be his uncle. 

“Oh...hello Feliciano,” Herakles didn’t looked that excited to have run into Feliciano but Feliciano wasn’t going to let that stop him! He, after all, didn’t know Herakles that well. He had learned to stop judging a book by its cover when he met Ludwig. 

“Are you doing the grocery shopping? The seasonings are on sale today!” Feliciano had stocked up on plenty of seasonings, his grandpa always told him that no jarred pasta sauce could compare to those that are homemade. 

“Ah yes, I am doing the grocery shopping.” Feliciano didn’t know if it was because of the way Herakles talked so slow and unhurried but he seemed so unbothered by this conversation. It was like Herakles was on the lookout for something and he didn’t have the time to be in this conversation. 

Feliciano hoped he wasn’t boring him! Feliciano didn’t think of himself as someone who was boring to talk to, in fact all his life he had heard the exact opposite. That he had too much energy and passion and needed to learn that it was ok to slow down and enjoy life. 

“Ve~it was very nice running into you!” Feliciano said as he put a box of frozen blueberry waffles into his cart. Herakles waved at him and gave a small smile. It was nice. Lovino might be doing his best to not bond at all with any of their new family members but Feliciano wasn’t going to go down that path. He knew Lovino would get around to bonding with them too. The family had always been so small, just the three of them, but Feliciano knew that everybody knew that big families were the best. 

Feliciano decided that it would be nice to get some cat food for Memphis as a surprise. He always saw Sobekneferu having to lug Memphis’s things around whenever she brought him to the Vargas or Karpusi household and now that she was going to be family, the least they could do is keep some cat food. Feliciano didn’t know what would happen after the wedding and where everyone would live but either way he wanted Memphis and Sobekneferu to be completely at home. 

Feliciano went to the cat food aisle and was debating the merits of wet cat food vs dry cat food and if his grandfather would let them have a pet when he heard quiet “excuse me” as someone tried to reach one of the tins of wet cat food that Feliciano was in front of. 

“Ve~Kiku! Is that you?” Feliciano smiled and pressed quick kisses to both of Kiku’s cheeks. 

“Hello Feliciano, I didn’t know you’d be here.” Kiku bowed, as he always did on reflex and gave a polite smile to Feliciano. Kiku had been Feliciano’s roommate for his first two years of college and was going to be his roommate for his third one as well. Kiku and Feliciano had been uneasy roommates at first but soon they realized that they helped balance one another. 

“What brings you here? I didn’t know you were in town! I thought you were going to be visiting family!” Feliciano was beaming at seeing his roommate. Kiku looked so happy and was dressed so prettily. He never saw Kiku like this during the school year not even at parties that Feliciano brought (practically forcibly dragged) him and Ludwig to. 

“I did. It was very nice to see them. I only got here yesterday night so I didn’t even think to tell you. I am very sorry.” Kiku bowed in apology. 

“It’s alright! We can meet up soon! All three of us; you, me, and Ludwig! Ve~I’ll take you two to my favourite Italian restaurants.” 

“That does sound very nice.” Kiku gave his signture gentle smile. 

“I’ll pick all of us up and drive us there!”

Kiku’s polite smile disappeared at Feliciano’s suggestion. “That sounds nice but it would be better if we all took an Uber to get there.” 

“Are you sure? It’s no problem at all for me to drive there!” Feliciano was still smiling as widely as human possible. 

“I’m sure. If none of us are driving we will have more time to chat and get caught up with what’s been going on in our lives.” 

“Alright~ I’ll post about it on our group chat! It was so nice seeing you Kiku!” Feliciano put three tins of food into his cart and waved goodbye to Kiku before heading off to the yogurts. It was so strange. He didn’t even know that Kiku hd a cat.


	6. Museums, Fire Alarms, & Love Oh My!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Sorry for the long wait between chapters! I hope you all are having a happy holiday season! This chapter does feature a previously unmentioned minor couple in passing, albeit a very large passing mention.

Penelope was helping a poor lost college student find the vases so he could collect extra credit for his classics elective when she noticed a missed call from Lovino. It was from two minutes ago. She wasn’t even aware that Lovino had her phone number. 

“I’m sorry but I need to go.The room with the vases is the next one on the right” She excused herself from the student. 

“Oh, ok, thanks bro! You helped me out a ton.” The college student said.

Penelope speed walked until she reach the entrance of the museum where her talking wouldn’t interfere with anyone and called Lovino. “Hello?” 

“About damn time you picked up the phone!” Lovino snapped before sighing, perhaps aware of what he was saying and to who he was saying it. “There was a fire alarm today at the office and it turns out that there was an actual fire so we all had to leave but my subway pass ran out of money. Is there any way you could pick me up?” 

“Me? Why me? Of course, I’ll go pick you up but why?” Lovino and her had barely a chance to talk one on one. 

“Just, just, you were the first name I saw on my contact list. I’ll be waiting outside.” With that, Lovino hung up. It was very strange indeed but Penelope had had stranger things happen. 

Lovino was still waiting outside when Penelope pull up to the office park. Antonio was there talking animatedly to Lovino, who looked like he’d rather be anywhere else. Penelope had to hand it to him; there were plenty of moments she wished she could have rolled her eyes off at her boss. Her usual method was waiting until she had a new job in place and quitting by cussing her boss out. 

She rolled down her window. “Lovino! I’m here!” 

Both Lovino and Antonio whipped their heads around to look at her. Antonio was grinning even more now and began to wave. Penelope waved back, she knew of Antonio and knew that without a doubt he would be at her wedding, even if she didn’t have a clue who’s plus one he would be. Lovino looked beyond grateful for an escape from Antonio’s diatribe and walked leisurely over to her car. Penelope had learned from her time with Romulus that what the Vargas’s considered to be running, everyone else would consider walking 20 hours per kilometer. 

“Thank you for the ride.” Lovino said as he got in the passenger seat and buckled in. “Fucking Antonio kept talking about all the things he bought to make up to his husband. Maybe he wouldn’t need to buy so much shit if he just learned how to be a better husband in the first place.”   
Penelope chuckled. “Being a good husband is much harder than you think it is. A lot of men think they’re good husbands when they couldn’t be farther from that.” 

Lovino wondered what Penelope’s first husband was like, if she even had a first husband. But he wasn’t Feliciano so he wasn’t about to ask and risk having to hear Penelope’s sob story or comfort a crying elderly woman in her car in front of his work colleagues. “Grandpa Romulus seems like he would be a good husband.” 

Penelope smiled. “ He will, he’s already an amazing fiancé.” Penelope began to drive but couldn’t help but slow down when she saw Lovino looking at the shuttle bus stop. He was smiling, gently and romantically, the kind of smile that made Penelope fall in love with Romulus. She followed his eyes and noticing he was staring at a pretty blonde girl with a cute headband. 

Vargas men couldn’t be stopped. 

**** 

By nighttime, everyone had heard about the fire. The fire had been caused by none other than Gilbert Beilschmidt, the husband of the CEO of the tech startup located on the third floor, who had caused a fire when trying to microwave a bag of popcorn. The damage was minimal thankfully, but unfortunately the tech startup was without a microwave. Lovino couldn’t wait until he had to share the already small kitchen with just one microwave with thirty more people.   
“I’ll be sure to give you plenty of pocket money for you to have lunch~” Grandpa Romulus teased at the family dinner table. And by the family dinner table, that meant the Vargases, the Karpusis, and the Hassans. Lovino couldn’t remember the last time he had ever seen such a full table in the house (not counting the other times the Karpusis and Hassans came over), for the first time they looked like the stereotypical image of an Italian family at dinner. 

“I don’t need pocket money. I have my own.” Lovino grumbled, sipping his wine. Truth be told, he was going to take Grandpa up on that pocket money. He didn’t work for the fun of it. Fuck, he was starting to sound like Govert. 

“Don’t be like this fratello~” Feliciano said. “Grandpa will already have to start giving Bernardo pocket money when he comes back next weekend.” 

If Lovino wasn’t a proud one hundred percent Italian man, then he would have spat out the wine he was drinking. Instead he swallowed deeply before speaking. “Isn’t Bernardo supposed to be in summer camp? Looking at colleges? Road tripping with his friends? Building habitats for humanity?” 

“Ve~ he finished all of that! Haven’t you been checking his Instagram?” Feliciano said. 

Lovino couldn’t believe that Feliciano thought he would be the type to follow his family on any social media outside of Facebook. The only family member he followed on Instagram was Feliciano and that was because Feliciano wouldn’t stop crying and begging until Lovino did so. Grandpa Romulus had way too many followers and Lovino couldn’t have everyone knowing his grandfather was more liked than him and Bernardo was always going off on weird adventures with his friends like they were the cast of a teen sitcom or something. It was annoying. 

“No!” 

“It’ll be fun to hang out with Bernardo~ You haven’t spent time with him in a while. It’s so hard when your youngest grandchild looks at you one day and says he wants to go to boarding school. He’s so far away.” Romulus had tears welling up in his eyes and already Sobekneferu was patting his shoulder and telling him everything was going to be ok. 

“The boarding school he goes to is less than two hours away. You didn’t let him apply to any boarding school that was more than a four hour drive away.” Lovino said. He was literally the only normal person in this family. 

Romulus sniffled and nuzzled further into Sobekneferu. “That is true. Anyway, Rajesh told me that Gilbert is very sorry for burning the microwave and promised to pay for a speedy repair.” 

Ah yes, how could Lovino have forgotten. The CEO of the tech startup was none other than Rajesh Kumar, one of his grandfather’s closest friends. Lovino had only seen Rajesh here and there but he was very confused about him. Weren’t old men supposed to have trophy spouses that were good looking? 

“Good. The kitchen is already the size of a mouse trap. I don’t want more people coming in and packing us all in like sardines.” 

“Ve~but think of all the people that you’ll meet! What if there’s lots of pretty people there?” 

Lovino, honest to Dio, had no idea how his little brother managed to stay alive. He was the walking representation for why stranger danger safety is needed. 

Penelope was staring at Lovino like she knew something. Lovino looked away so she wouldn’t see him blushing. She must have seen something when she went to pick him up. 

“Even if there are pretty people, Lovino wouldn’t be interested in them. He’s there to learn about working not fall in love.” Penelope said. 

“Turning into a realist on us, Penelope?” Romulus asked. 

“No. Athena and Aphrodite are both equally as useful.” Penelope sipped her wine. 

“Love is wonderful.” Herakles said out of nowhere. 

“It is indeed, son.” Penelope said as she finished off her wine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rajesh Kumar- India 
> 
> Bernardo-Seborga


End file.
